Guilt and Sin

The first poem "Endless Nothing" is all about sin and how it consumes us. The second poem "Guilt" is about, if you couldn't guess, guilt. Both of these things destroy our relationship with God.

Sin is a turning away from God. It's like you're standing face-to-face with Him and do a 180. It destroys our relationship with God because you can't get closer to someone you're not facing.

Guilt is a little harder. Guilt is that feeling of sorrow and remorse we feel after doing something dumb and wrong. Everyone should feel remorse for their wrongs. But guilt takes it too far. Guilt says that you are not good enough and should have known better. Guilt is pride masked in remorse and self-destruction. If you believe that you are always not good enough you will never open yourself to the One Who can make you better and Who always thinks you are good enough.

I've been learning a lot about these recently. I have a guilt complex. I always think that I should be better than I am and that everything that goes wrong is my fault. I have a hard time believing I'm good enough. Of course I have someone in my life who knows exactly how to push my buttons and make me feel like crap (who doesn't?). Through a lot of recent coaching and guidance, I've started sticking up for myself and not taking the blame for things that aren't my responsibility. This has come out in a variety of ways- patience, screaming, impatience, crying.

My mom always helped me through these things, always was there to reassure me and to give me the strength to persevere. She passed aways this March. Things have been so much harder with her gone.

I've learned that I can't change my situation or the people around me. I can only be the best me I can be and that's all that's required of me. I have to accept that I cannot change those around me and just accept them for who they are, good and bad. Even if those people hurt me badly. I'm not going to let this person walk all over me, but I don't have to let her words and actions define and consume me. This is my step away from guilt. And I try to step away from sin everyday.

Here's a little prayer that has been helping me overcome the guilt in my life. It's called the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Amen.