So my mom died this past March and I just have to say that I have been having the toughest time imaginable with it. She is my best friend, and she died suddenly, and my life is so completely different with her gone. It hurts like nothing I've ever experienced before.
Getting that call, going to my uncle's house and seeing the pained look in his eyes, the shock, my muscles just giving out. It was, perhaps, the worst day of my life. But after the initial shock wore off, something greater began to happen. As I called my friends to ask them to pray, all my heart really wanted to do was praise God for His goodness. I praised Him for the gift of my mom, for the time I was allowed to have with her, for His timing, and for the fact that someday I would praise Him with her.
I talked to her the morning that she died. We were talking about some situations in my life and she said, "You know, I've just been praying for you recently, that something great would just happen in your life. It's about time something did." And all I could respond with was, "You know mom, the greatest prayer is the prayer of a mother." Now she prays perfectly and worships perfectly and I know that I have the most amazing of intercessors beseeching the Father for me. God truly does have good timing.
I feel lonely a lot, and sometimes I feel pretty lost, but the one place I go and feel neither of those is mass. Most times I cry when I go to receive Communion, and yeah, it's partly because I miss her so much, but it's mostly for joy. Joy that I am about to be united with my God, the King of the Universe in an intimate way, and that, through my union with Him, I get to be closer to her than I ever have been, simply because she is up there, now united and one with Him.
In some ways, in her death, my mom dragged me with her, right to the foot of the cross, and there she handed me off to my Mother, Mary. Everyone seems to have "their Mary" the Mary they can relate to most or have greatest devotion to. While "my Mary" is Our Lady of Sorrows. She has been for quite some time without me realizing it (the parish my grandmother grew up in is Seven Dolors- Seven Sorrows, in reference to Mary). I finally realized that she wanted to be my Mama after a friend's wedding and since I've been trying to get to know her better and allow her to get to know me. She certainly has been carrying me these past few months. That's the power of a mother's prayer.