Friday, August 1, 2008

I am Lucky

After much clouds and rainfall today and the past few days, tonight was an exceptionally clear night. As I looked up at the stars (one of my favorite things to do) I was able to see the Milky Way. How lucky I am! It's not too often that I have a chance to see the Milky Way. My luck in this started me thinking about how lucky I really am.

My younger sister and I have always had a rather strained relationship, but my mom was always there to smooth things between us, be our buffer, and to help us both become better. Since my mom's passing, mine and my sister's relationship has eroded very quickly.

All I ever wanted was a sister. When I was tiny and my mom was pregnant, I told my parents that the baby would be a girl because all I wanted was a sister. I did in fact receive a sister, but one who has never shown me much more than disdain and whom I have always had to "compete" with, in some way or another. This is no sob story from me, I have my own faults that did not help better the situation, but it is a background. Recently, while dealing with the decomposing of this relationship, my aunt said to me, "She just doesn't want to be your sister. That's ok, you have to accept that for now." That just spoke volumes to my heart, but for a while now, I've been a little upset by this. All I wanted was a sister, it's not a huge request, and I get someone who could care less about me, what a bum deal!

Staring up at the Milky Way tonight reminded me of how lucky I am. My blood sister may not be interested in being my sister, but I have other people who are. I belong to an amazing women's group at my college and all of those women, both current sisters and graduated sisters, all love me like I am their blood sister. All of those women (total we have over 150, we have approximately 50 current sister) want to be my sister and strive to be the best sisters they can be. They challenge me and stretch me and call me on to be the best sister and woman that I can be. I may not have gotten the one sister I asked for, but I was given 50+ instead!

There are so many other things in my life that go very similarly. Instead of looking at how wrong everything in my life is or at what is lacking, I should start to see what I do have and how all my prayers have been answered, just not in the ways I was initially expecting. The stars are great, but getting the Milky Way tonight was unexpected and awesome. My sister is a great person, even though our relationship is beyond disappointing, but having 50+ is unexpected and more than I could ever have asked for.