Saturday, October 29, 2011

The Biggness of My Littleness

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in being a part of something bigger than myself that I forget to be just me. It is good to buy TOMS shoes (I own three pairs) and donate to and start charities. We are part of something bigger than our own here and now, but big, meaningful endeavors are not started by people who lose sight of who they are.
My tendency is to so impersonally be a part of an endeavor or charity that in my personal life I feel lost and without mission or purpose. This is not how I was created to feel! Every moment of my life is meant to be jam-packed with purpose, whether I'm writing a book, starting something big, writing an email to a friend who is struggling, or spending time with my friends and family.
Life is about the small, everyday things we do creating ripples that get bigger and bigger. Don't get lost in the impact of a tidal wave that makes the world better. Be the unique pebble you are and create your own ripples.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Saturday, October 1, 2011

On the Feast of St. Therese of Lisieux and the 40th Anniversary of Walt Disney World

Today is the feast of St. Therese of Lisieux, the Little Flower, co-patron of France, co-patron of the missions, Doctor of the Church, my patroness and heroine. Today also happens to be the 40th Anniversary of Walt Disney World in Orlando, FL; the expansion of Walt's dream. Both of these celebrations should reverberate with us--they are extremely important for childhood.

St. Therese was born into a well-off French family where she never wanted for material necessities but was given the simple faith of a child yearning for more. She knew she was not made exclusively for this life; a fact that was abruptly pounded into her with the death of her mother when Theresewas only 4 and a half. But, for all the suffering she encountered in her life, she never lost her zeal or her faith or her imagination, and she had a big imagination! She used all of her faculties to propel her towards the reality that this world is passing and that we are made for another.

Walt was a man of a simple, unorganized religious faith. What mostly encompassed him was patriotism, love of family, and imagination. He saw a picture bigger than himself and bigger than the reality he was living in, and let nothing stand in his way. Walt created and innovated until the day he died, never losing his grounding and affection for his family, and never losing sight of the bigger reality--that there is more to this world than what we see, more than the here and now.

When we think of Walt Disney, we think of this man who created Mickey Mouse and otherbeloved characters, along with theme parks and experiences to allow us to be a part of the magic. What we sometimes overlook is his dedication to humanity, to making the now as good as it can be and to making the future an even better place. It is easy to say Walt loved childhood and imagination, but really, Walt was obsessed with childhood and knew that in order to be a good adult, a person needs to have the virtue of childlikeness.

Childlikeness was thevirtue that paved the way for St. Therese's ascent to holiness. She knew that in order to be big, one must be very small. Who is smaller than a child? Even God chose to come into the world first and a tiny, vulnerable baby, a child. Upon entering the convent, Therese took the name Sr. There of the Child Jesus; she is sometimes still known by this today, although she is much more widely known as Therese of Lisiuex or The Little Flower. Her devotion to the Child Jesus is of no surprise, nor is it a surprise that we know her as the Little Flower--tiny, delicate, often overlooked, hidden. St. Therese truly took to heart and embodied Christ's words, "Let the children come to me" (Matthew 19:14) and she ran to Him!

Walt wanted the children to come, also. He envisioned a place where children could live out all of their fantasies and use their imagination and a place where their parents could come and spend time with them, once again opening their minds and imaginations to their younger days. He said, "Every child is blessed with a vivid imagination" and meant that we should never outgrow our imaginations, that imagination is what pushes us forward and makes us great.

It may be argued that Walt was a greater imagination than St. Therese as he made and produced 73 animated and live-action movies from 1937 through 1966 and also worked on "The Jungle Book" (released in 1967 after his death) which was the last movie and animated feature he worked on, opened one theme park and planned another, along with producing television shows, and many other ventures. But in three years, St. Therese wrote, directed, and starred in eight plays that she performed for the convent, wrote countless poems over her five years in the convent, and also wrote her autobiography at the request of her sisters. If you're into a little math, if you divide the number of plays St. Therese wrote in her three years as compared to the number of movies Walt made in 29 years, it comes out to almost the same number. But this isn't a numbers game, we're talking impact.

St. Therese was not seen as someone great really until her death, while Walt was known as someone great early on. St. Therese did nothing outward to gain affection or glory for herself and Walt leant his name to these great things that he dreamed up to let people know they were of good quality and wholesome--in different ways, both achieved becoming something greater than themselves.

While Walt Disney has made a much more outward impact on us, calling us on to childhood and imagination and innovation, St. Therese has had just as much of an impact calling us on to childlikeness, dependence on God, and holiness. Both show us that littleness, childlikeness is superior to bigness and pride, and that, perhaps, the way of childlikeness and littleness is the most pure and quickest way to our dreams and to holiness.

"You know well enough that Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love at which we do them." ~St. Therese of Lisieux

St. Therese of Lisieux and Walt Disney loved without borders and performed every action, executed every idea with the greatest of love. Today is a celebration of the human spirit, imagination, and greatness through childlikeness and littleness. Happy Birthday Walt Disney World! St. Therese of Lisieux, pray for us!

Friday, September 30, 2011

I Want to Be Little Again

I want to be little again. I long for the times when going to my friend's house meant that she and I would run around the house and play games downstairs while our parents would talk upstairs. When there were no worries except if I would like what we were having for dinner or falling asleep during Mass. When all I wanted was to see the newest Disney movie and live adventures. When Mommabear was alive and I had no doubts that she would always be there to help me and care for me.

Things were simpler when I was 7. In fact, things didn't start to get complicated until I turned 12. Oh puberty. I can pinpoint all of the ages where I have felt a significant leap or development in maturity (if you're curious: 12, 16, 20, 23). I have a feeling another leap is coming upon me as my wedding is impending (I'm 26 now).

Sometimes things are too much, too heavy, too complicated, too involved. Being home makes me yearn for the simple, the young, the living, the past. The photo project I have started does not help this. I have gone through all of the rolls of pictures my parents had taken throughout the years, organized them according to year, then gone through year by year to take which pictures I want, put them in order, and then label them (and my labels are very detailed). I'm averaging 75 pictures per year and I have pictures from every year from 1984 through 2000, plus extras. It has been good for me to go through my life year by year, see who I was, what my parents looked like, where we went, and to remember. And it has been healing.

For the first time in many years, I am truly ready to move on with my life. I am ready to keep growing. In fact, I'm not sure that I've ever been ready to grow before; it normally just smacks me upside the head as I'm in the midst of it. I'm glad I'm home, I'm glad I'm where I'm at, I'm glad I have forewarning of growth, I'm glad I'm ready to grow, I'm glad for growth, I'm glad for life. I miss being the carefree child I was, but now I can be a carefree adult. Sometimes much harder said than done, especially as I feel the complete weight of familial burdens. I miss Mommabear. She was my safety net, my buffer, my partner, my friend. But something I learned from being a child was to believe in the invisible and to have faith and trust. Even when I could not see Mommabear or be with her when I was little, I always knew she was with me, I carried her with me. So I do the same now, but in an even more profound way.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My Hair



My hair has grown very long (and I have let it mostly on account of the wishes of my fiance, Jess. But I have grown to love it, too) and I have been contemplating a cut and dye after I get married, especially since I am moving to Texas where
it gets very hot. But some background: I enjoy having long hair, I'm just a little bored, but I think my current grown-out cut suits my face very well. Also, I am in love with my natural color, it is perfect for my complexion; however, I am beginning to get grays and so will have to let go of my love for my natural color sooner anyway (I know what you must be thinking...grays?!? How? You are far too young for grays! Why, you can't be older than 18! Wrong, I am 26 and while I still think I am too young for grays both my cousin Paula and my soon-to-be-brother-in-law Jon laugh in my face as they began going gray at 16).Me now:
What Jess thinks I should do:

What I'm thinking is a little more length than Lily here, maybe a little below shoulder length (that still takes about 6 inches of hair off) and with lowlights of her color and blonde highlights. That way, I can keep some of my natural color and length and still do something new and fun! Thoughts?

Every Flower Must Grow Through Dirt

I've always been entranced by stories of homeless people, especially young people, and people who come through such debilitating and gritty situations to find life and love and meaning. I devoured stories about life on the edge, punks, rebels, addicts. My life seemed so whitewashed and clean compared to theirs and so...boring. I wanted a life of excitement and the straight and narrow path didn't really seem to accomodate that. Why did I find beauty and excitement in these other lives and not in my own? Because there is beauty in grittiness.There is rawness and realness to a gritty life, a life on the edge. There is no room for maybe or maybe not, only do or don't, live or die. In a way, it is a very profound life. You must always be real and up-front, in touch with who you are, and because, most often, a gritty life is a life at rock bottom or close, you can be who you want to be. Being empty leaves you with space to fill up with and what you fill up with is your choice.

But what we know about a gritty life is that it doesn't normally end well. With that emptiness come the natural desire to be full and some people do not know how to fill themselves with good things. Addiction, over-dose, death, and suicide often ensue. This does not appeal to me.

I want a raw, real life full of adventure and excitement. I don't want to just explore a place, I want to play in it. But I don't want a whitewashed life, never experiencing any suffering. Why? Because out of our suffering emerges such beauty and virtue, resistance and perseverance--all of the things that can make us great.


And that's how I fell in love with Christ. That's when I discovered who I want to be and how I want to live my life. God, Who did not spare Himself any pain or suffering but Who also led an amazing life of joy, excitement, intimacy, and love.

There is realness in pain. When we have nothing left, there is no fear in showing who we are or where we are at. This is Christ's call to us everyday, to be who we are, who we are created to be. And above all else, I am His.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Why Virginity Matters

A great reflection and article. Also, some really insightful comments. Enjoy!
http://www.ncregister.com/blog/why-virginity-matters