Why I Love the Princesses (and fairy tales in general)

In today's society, we focus a lot on doing instead of being. We must do something great, earn something great, having something great to show off, to be great. Our doing should be a reflection of our being but our doing should not be the measure of our being. I find this especially true in the world of women since the feminist movement.

The princess fairy tales (and most of those commonly referred to as "Disney Princesses") are given a lot of flack for portraying women who only sit around and wait for true love to rescue her from whatever peril she is in. She does not do anything (other than fulfill stuffy old values of cooking, cleaning, marriage, and the like, if that). But what I propose is that the princesses show us the value of being over doing, show us that to amounting to something great is attainable because we are all born great because we are. I propose that the princesses teach us values that make us better, stronger, more feminine women who are then able to engage the world and because our personhood is great, we can then do great things.

This is why I (have come to) love the princesses. I don't have to do anything spectacular and I don't have to look all over the place for my spectacular thing to do to make me great, I already am great and therefore can do great things, even small things in a great way (like Uncle Ben [Spiderman, in case you didn't know] says, "With great power comes great responsibility"). We must do great things precisely because we are great.

Herein lies the problem, though: how do we measure this greatness? What scale is there to tell me if I am doing great things? What is great to a person in desperate need will not be the same as to a person with plenty. Then do everything with all of your heart, all of yourself; do everything in love. That is the true measure of greatness--how much you open your heart to those around you and simply love.

Lunch Club, Ex-Boyfriends, and God's Mercy

 Currently, the girls and I have begun week 2 of the Princessology lunch group and so far so good! The group grew from about 5 interested girls to about 10. Also there are currently 4 girls who cannot come yet but have requested the materials each week so they can at least learn it on their own. And when asked, all of the girls talk about how great the Princessology is, how much they are learning and growing, and how much fun they are having. I am overjoyed!

For anyone who has every wondered what girls are interested in or talk about at lunch, let me give you a peek inside the first week of our group when we were discussing Aurora (Sleeping Beauty). We were discussing what are the needs and desires of our hearts that we have tried to fill with other "love" instead of the love of Jesus. Blondie turned to me and with somber tone asked "Ms. Bey, has anything ever led you away from God?" Oh gosh. Being truthful, yes. And hence they fanangled me into sharing about my first love/high school boyfriend. Since I was 16 when he happened they of course wanted to know all about him and they started asking what he looked like. Having internet projection abilities, I was able to bring up a visual aid--some pictures of him, as we are Facebook friends. Punky was head-over-heels, in fact, I believe she verbally declared him to be her type of Prince Charming. What a discussion this led to! Oy! Thankfully (especially for Punky) we were able to see how damaging my relationship with him was to my relationship with God and how much more damaging it could have been to me if I had continued in the relationship and not had good family and Church support to guide me. The girls agreed that although he and many other boys are hot that it is definitely what is inside that counts and they resolved to only be interested in boys that could help them grow as women and in their relationships with God.

I'm pretty sure God was laughing at that entire lunch group, especially at me. Though that boy and I were never physical (didn't even hold hands), emotional damage can run deep and I have sought much healing from my relationship with him over the years and have reached a place of peace (which is good since I'm preparing to marry a man who truly does bring me to Christ in every way and helps to strengthen my relationship with Him). Apparently my journey with my high school relationship is not quite over. Perhaps it will never be. There is something of value in the relationship I had with that boy--I have learned what I was looking for in a man, what I am still looking for in a man, who I am as a daughter of God, as a princess, and that God's mercy runs wide, deep, and long. My fiance and I do not have a perfect relationship and there are some things from his past that we have had to work through, but because God has given me such an amazing opportunity to know Him and His mercy and to receive His mercy, we are able to work through those issues with open hearts and compassion. God's plan is so good and I would have never guessed that a relationship I had in high school would still help to inform my life, relationship, and spirituality years later.  Truly thank God for the Princessology and the lunch group, for my ex-boyfriend, for my fiance, and especially for His mercy. All for the greater glory of God!

My new project

Joy Anderson, a friend of mine and my household sister, studied at Franciscan University of Steubenville with me and was also a Theology and Catechetics/Youth Ministry major wrote a "Princessology" as her senior thesis (please check out her blog).This Princessology has been on my heart and mind for a long time and last year I had her e-mail me what she had (I was a youth minister at the time and thought that perhaps I would be able to implement something for my girls based on it...that didn't happen). About 6 weeks ago I began teaching Religion at a Catholic high school and a few weeks in some girls approached me about started a girls lunch group where we could be women and learn about being women of God together. At the time I had to turn them down as I was overloaded as it was and had no idea what to prepare for them (not to mention planning my wedding...). I was going through some papers several weeks later and found the Princessology and read through it again. It was a Divine incident. I had the perfect material for a girls' lunch group!

The problem. The Princessology currently only covered three princesses. Joy designed the Princessology around Disney princesses because the are the most universally recognized and their stories are well-known, but she only had time to analyze three of them: Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), Belle (Beauty and the Beast), and Ariel (The Little Mermaid). We all know that there are many more Disney princesses! Snow White and Cinderella to name two! Not to mention the "unconventional" princesses like Nala (The Lion King) and exemplary Disney heroines like Wendy (Peter Pan) and Alice (Alice in Wonderland) and several lesser known Disney princesses such as Eilonwy (The Black Cauldron). I knew what I must do. I must put all of my talents (and majors--Theology, Catechetics/Youth Ministry, English Writing) together and expand the Princessology.

This is my project--expand the Princessology in quantity of both princesses and content. I currently have a list of 25 princesses (including Thumbelina and Anastasia--non-Disney princesses) that I am researching and analyzing seeing if they fit as individuals into the Princessology. Also, in Joy's tradition, I am attaching Marian virtues to each princesses and other virtues as they fit. What I will also be doing creating is a "test" to find out which princess you are--containing elements of both your personality as compared to a princess's and also a spiritual dimension to see where or how you wish to grow in the Lord.

This could potentially be a great break-through for women's ministry. I guess we'll see how it goes with the girls' lunch club! I will keep you all updated with the Princessology progress and will share parts of it on here from time to time as well.

Begging for Life like Mary Magdalen: Lenten Post 1

It was Fall 2004 at Franciscan University of Steubenville. Jenn and I were attending a women's seminar on sexuality. A lady began talking about her experience with masturbation and not only did I connect, but I felt like she was reading my soul. I was shocked at her accuracy for things I did not even know how to articulate. That is the plight of 19-- lots of words and feelings but little understanding and articulation. The lady finished and we were given a ten minute break. Jenn and I walked to the restroom, but I waited outside for her. I leaned against the wall trying to take in what I heard and was experiencing. Jenn walked out and looked concerned. I must have been in a daze. She asked if I was alright. I opened my mouth and what came out in a whisper was a roar from deep inside of me, from something that I did not know existed in me: I didn't know I hurt so much. I could not stop repeating it; tears slowly began to roll down my cheeks. Poor Jenn, she did not know what to do, so she fond one of the evening's coordinators, Dr. Storm. Trulie talked about her but this is how Storm and I met. I could not say my name, nothing except that declaration of my being. I new masturbation was wrong, I knew it hindered my relationship with God, I knew that I had struggled with it for all of my life that I could remember, but I did not know the damage it was doing to me, did not know the wound that started or perpetuated it. I began that self-discovery and healing that night, a journey that would culminate a little more than a year later, a journey that still takes places today, little by little, day by day.

Reasons I love "Slumdog Millionaire" and little reviews of movies not worth seeing

One of my favorite movies of all time is Slumdog Millionaire. The film pulls you into its characters and makes you remember why you want to love Hollywood. Despite being a film set in India and having some typical Bollywood aspects, this is not a Bollywood movie. I could go on about why this is, but I'd rather just tell you why I love this movie so much. WARNING some spoilers.
1) Its cinematography is just beautiful. The shots they get and they way the cameras move to be almost another character is so good.

2) It demonstrates hope in the midst of great tribulation and that life is worthwhile after all.

3) Love and redemption triumph over all power, greed, and evil.

4) There is a great contrast of the two brothers, Jamal and Salim. Salim lives for power and money, but Jamal lives for love.

5) At the end, Jamal kisses Latika's scar before he kisses her lips. I LOVE this because in that simple gesture, he is embracing her pain, her sorrow, her tribulations, the loss of part of her beauty and symbol of her innocence and redeems them by saying that she is even more beautiful because of these things and that he takes them as his own now, too.

6) Latika says "I'm yours" in Hindu unsubtitled while on the cell phone with Jamal, who is on the game show, right before the cell phone cuts off. She finally, actually gives herself to him, something that had been implied for a long time and that she eventually tried to fend off to protect him. In saying this, she admits that only love can set you free.

7) The brothers aren't flat characters. Example: Jamal tells Salim that he can never forgive him for what Salim has done to him, and to Latika, and this is left unresolved.

8) The musical score. Plan and simple, it's awesome!

9) Jamal's innocence and purity. No matter what he has seen or gone through, he never loses this and that is a great victory in the modern society and he is a better person because of it.

10) Jamal's facial expressions. Priceless and spot on!

11) Jamal does not find out that Salim died or what Salim did for him and Latika in the end; and we never see Jamal deal with this.

12) When Jamal hears Latika on the phone, he realizes what Salim has done for them. Because Jamal loved so intensely, it rubbed off on Salim and, in a way, converted Salim, who then redeemed his life of living only for power and money to dying for love--love of a brother.

13) Latika wears yellow when she is with Jamal, and yellow is a sign of honesty, so she is being completely herself when she is with him (with one exception...but you find it!)

14) Latika is womanly in her acceptance of her circumstances and trusts that all will end up well. She is also self-sacrificial as she gives the most intimate part of herself to save Jamal and, in that, retains her purity, even though she is made to give herself bodily.

15) Pram cannot make eye contact with Jamal after feeding him an answer, so Jamal knows he's lying. I love how Jamal, and the cinematographers, pick up on little nuances in people to tell their true character and I love that Pram is shown to be what he is--deceptive.

There are so many other things I love about this movie; basically, there is nothing I didn't love. Some may argue and say that certain things were too graphic or that it was unnecessarily graphic, but I think that it all shows the tough life endured by those impoverished in Mumbai and how they most rise above all things.

Now for a little review on two movies that I'd say, don't even bother looking at the movie box. World's Greatest Dad starring Robin Williams and Punch-Drunk Love starring Adam Sandler. Both were extremely painful to sit through and I thought of turning off both about 10 minutes into them. Let's start with World's Greatest Dad. I had to invent a new word to adequately describe this movie: douchiest. This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen, so bad that it definitely gives Troll 2 a run for its money. First of all, it was poorly paced. It dragged on and on without evening out in the end. Second, the ending was not satisfactory for all the drudge you were just put through. Third, we didn't need 45mins to tell us the guy's son is a complete, moronic, perverted loser and we didn't need the whole movie to tell us that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. And that's all the words I'm willing to waste telling you why you absolutely SHOULD NOT see this movie. I had a lot of the same problems with Punch-Drunk Love, though its characters were slightly more compelling. Its pacing was completely off--slow on a set-up and resolved far too quickly. Something else that really bothered me about this movie is that it is never shown why the love interest falls so hard for Adam Sandler's character and why or how they both grow in this. No growth=no go. DO NOT waste your time on this movie, either.

Simple Reminder

Tonight I discovered what love is again.

I've been in Philadelphia spending the New Year with my family-- my mom's younger sister and family. My 13 year old cousin and I are very close; in a very real way she is the sister I always dreamed of. Tonight is my last night here as tomorrow the kids go back to school, my aunt goes back to work, and I fly home. K started trying to convince me to stay longer and when I said I couldn't, she made up ways that I would be forced to-- flight delays or cancellations, etc. We sat on her bed and she looked at me with her big, bright blue eyes. She melts my heart when I look into her eyes because she wears her love on her face, there is no way to miss it, and she loves me very dearly. We talked about how we will be able to spend much more time together after this summer because her family will be relocating to the west coast, as will I. She still tried to make me stay, and though not satisfied with waiting, she smiled and I knew that she understood.

K loves me so much she hates spending time apart from me, and vice versa, and cannot wait for the day when we do not have to be apart. But until that day, she is content to love me as fiercely as she can, no matter the distance. It's such a comforting thought to me when I worry about my dad and how hurt he feels when I mention moving away, especially now that Mommabear is no longer here. But K reminds me of Mommabear and something she said to me when I first started talking about moving away. Mommabear looked at me in the car that day and said, "Of course I want you to stay near me and get a job and raise a family, but more than that, I want you to be happy and to not miss any opportunities. We will always be a family no matter how far apart we are."

This is love-- so fierce that they want you to stay with them forever, but so encompassing that they let you go.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. May this year be one of holding on, letting go, and loving fiercely.

I am Lucky

After much clouds and rainfall today and the past few days, tonight was an exceptionally clear night. As I looked up at the stars (one of my favorite things to do) I was able to see the Milky Way. How lucky I am! It's not too often that I have a chance to see the Milky Way. My luck in this started me thinking about how lucky I really am.

My younger sister and I have always had a rather strained relationship, but my mom was always there to smooth things between us, be our buffer, and to help us both become better. Since my mom's passing, mine and my sister's relationship has eroded very quickly.

All I ever wanted was a sister. When I was tiny and my mom was pregnant, I told my parents that the baby would be a girl because all I wanted was a sister. I did in fact receive a sister, but one who has never shown me much more than disdain and whom I have always had to "compete" with, in some way or another. This is no sob story from me, I have my own faults that did not help better the situation, but it is a background. Recently, while dealing with the decomposing of this relationship, my aunt said to me, "She just doesn't want to be your sister. That's ok, you have to accept that for now." That just spoke volumes to my heart, but for a while now, I've been a little upset by this. All I wanted was a sister, it's not a huge request, and I get someone who could care less about me, what a bum deal!

Staring up at the Milky Way tonight reminded me of how lucky I am. My blood sister may not be interested in being my sister, but I have other people who are. I belong to an amazing women's group at my college and all of those women, both current sisters and graduated sisters, all love me like I am their blood sister. All of those women (total we have over 150, we have approximately 50 current sister) want to be my sister and strive to be the best sisters they can be. They challenge me and stretch me and call me on to be the best sister and woman that I can be. I may not have gotten the one sister I asked for, but I was given 50+ instead!

There are so many other things in my life that go very similarly. Instead of looking at how wrong everything in my life is or at what is lacking, I should start to see what I do have and how all my prayers have been answered, just not in the ways I was initially expecting. The stars are great, but getting the Milky Way tonight was unexpected and awesome. My sister is a great person, even though our relationship is beyond disappointing, but having 50+ is unexpected and more than I could ever have asked for.