Why Virginity Matters

A great reflection and article. Also, some really insightful comments. Enjoy!

http://www.ncregister.com/blog/why-virginity-matters

Women: More Than Society Allows Her To Be

Feminist and Feminism are not the same things. Women's Movements in the United States have done great things for women and their goal was always equality. Women gained the right to vote through one wave of the movement, which told the world that women have just as rational a brain and an ability to choose leaders as men. But the thing is, equal doesn't mean the same because, ask anyone who's dated someone of the opposite sex (I'm sure my fiance would gladly add his two cents), men and women process the world differently. One is not better than the other, it can be argued (but not wholly) that one is better suited for certain things than the other and vice versa, but the basic truth is men and women are different. Equal but different. Why is this so hard for us to understand?

Feminism shows us that being a woman is good and beautiful and capable and dependable and just as awesome as masculinity but in a different way. It shows us that being a woman is valuable and respectable. Feminist tells us that being a woman is inherently less. Sure, being a woman shouldn't tie me down to any social norms or acts of depreciation, but my womanhood is only good insofar as I can make it masculine. This is where we get a view of babies as a burden or even a disease; because, in the work place, for any woman who wants to climb the corporate ladder, be a financial success, or just scrape by, babies are a nuisance. Enter abortion and women's right to "choose". Women are giving women the ability to choose to kill the baby in her womb and therefore strip away what makes a woman a woman, taking away the "superpower" only women have, that is, to make babies as no man can carry a child inside of him and nurture that baby and then survive labor like a champ (please note: that transgendered man who gave birth to his and his partner's child kept his lady parts in his operation and therefore is not wholly male and thus a man did not birth a child). Some scientists will disagree with me here and say that a man could carry a child in his abdomen, after being artificially inseminated, and then give birth to a healthy, full-term child by a modified Cesarean (however, all will agree that this poses significant health hazards to both parent and child and is not advisable). So let me modify my statement: no man is born with all of the necessary parts to carry a child within him through an act of sexual intercourse. Only women have the ability and privilege to do this! But I digress...

Feminists seek equality through the destruction of womanhood and the woman. Feminism seeks equality by noting the differences in the genders and showing how each is valuable and good. A real way to get equality for women would be to reinvent the way corporate America sets up her business structures, allowing for men and women to work side by side in an environment that protects femininity and masculinity by giving each the allowances necessary without the destruction of one sex over the other (we have begun this with more generous time and benefits for mothers on maternity leave and the ever-increasing ability to work from home).

But this issue goes far beyond the workplace. Feminist views tell us that to be good, successful, respectable women, we must constantly be doing and achieving things and undervalue the good of doing at home: the good of teaching your child his first word, succeeding as a parent at raising good citizens, etc. Feminism seeks integration of all of these; no woman is better than another simply by holding a job in the workforce over raising a stable family at home, and neither of these is mutually exclusive, women can do both.

What I'm getting at is I hate abortion. It is morally indefensible and inexcusable to recklessly and brutally kill an innocent human life for the advancement of one's own purposes (seriously, dogs get more protection and outrage over cruelty done to them than kids in the womb). Not only this, but it strips women of exactly what makes them women and leaves them androgynous male-wannabes. Most women probably don't feel this when they have abortions, some even feel empowered by it, but they are not being empowered as women, they are being empowered as pseudo-males. It's time to take femininity back and I'm starting today.

What It Feels Like For a Mother

I've been asking a lot of questions about motherhood recently. I'm preparing to be married and with that comes the possibility of children (God willing!)...and it's something I have a lot of head knowledge about but little deeper understanding. Thankfully, I have some great friends who are mothers that don't mind answering my thousands of questions. Today I was able to have a lovely conversation with a friend that went like this:

Friend: "Being a mother is a concrete, constant reminder of sacrificial love. It has given my life a more beautiful, deeply meaningful depth than I could prior understand. My life is not my own, it belongs to my kids in that they completely depend on me to meet their needs. At times I hate it because I don't have a choice. I love them and so I sacrifice for them. But with that sacrifice comes a continually deeper love and in that love I am drawn closer to God and brought fulfillment. In that sense, being a mother bring my fulfillment."

Me: "Do you think there is a way to fall into a negative side of that? Like to lose sight of the fulfillment and grace it brings?"

Friend: "Sure, actually quite easily with little ones who seem to need ALL THE TIME and rarely say thank you."

Me: "Through being a mother and the self-sacrificial love of that you become more you. Do you think it is possible to lose yourself, who you are, become less you, by losing sight of everything? Make it all about self-sacrifice instead of about God?"

Friend: "So like play the martyr instead of actually being one. Makes sense to me. Instead of being who I'm meant to be, which happens effortlessly, being who I think I ought to be, which takes great effort. I think the intent is good but it's misguided. Maybe looking for fulfillment in the action instead of through the action."

All for the Sacred and Eucharistic Heart of Jesus, all through the Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, in union with St. Joseph.

Why I Love the Princesses (and fairy tales in general)

In today's society, we focus a lot on doing instead of being. We must do something great, earn something great, having something great to show off, to be great. Our doing should be a reflection of our being but our doing should not be the measure of our being. I find this especially true in the world of women since the feminist movement.

The princess fairy tales (and most of those commonly referred to as "Disney Princesses") are given a lot of flack for portraying women who only sit around and wait for true love to rescue her from whatever peril she is in. She does not do anything (other than fulfill stuffy old values of cooking, cleaning, marriage, and the like, if that). But what I propose is that the princesses show us the value of being over doing, show us that to amounting to something great is attainable because we are all born great because we are. I propose that the princesses teach us values that make us better, stronger, more feminine women who are then able to engage the world and because our personhood is great, we can then do great things.

This is why I (have come to) love the princesses. I don't have to do anything spectacular and I don't have to look all over the place for my spectacular thing to do to make me great, I already am great and therefore can do great things, even small things in a great way (like Uncle Ben [Spiderman, in case you didn't know] says, "With great power comes great responsibility"). We must do great things precisely because we are great.

Herein lies the problem, though: how do we measure this greatness? What scale is there to tell me if I am doing great things? What is great to a person in desperate need will not be the same as to a person with plenty. Then do everything with all of your heart, all of yourself; do everything in love. That is the true measure of greatness--how much you open your heart to those around you and simply love.

Lunch Club, Ex-Boyfriends, and God's Mercy

 Currently, the girls and I have begun week 2 of the Princessology lunch group and so far so good! The group grew from about 5 interested girls to about 10. Also there are currently 4 girls who cannot come yet but have requested the materials each week so they can at least learn it on their own. And when asked, all of the girls talk about how great the Princessology is, how much they are learning and growing, and how much fun they are having. I am overjoyed!

For anyone who has every wondered what girls are interested in or talk about at lunch, let me give you a peek inside the first week of our group when we were discussing Aurora (Sleeping Beauty). We were discussing what are the needs and desires of our hearts that we have tried to fill with other "love" instead of the love of Jesus. Blondie turned to me and with somber tone asked "Ms. Bey, has anything ever led you away from God?" Oh gosh. Being truthful, yes. And hence they fanangled me into sharing about my first love/high school boyfriend. Since I was 16 when he happened they of course wanted to know all about him and they started asking what he looked like. Having internet projection abilities, I was able to bring up a visual aid--some pictures of him, as we are Facebook friends. Punky was head-over-heels, in fact, I believe she verbally declared him to be her type of Prince Charming. What a discussion this led to! Oy! Thankfully (especially for Punky) we were able to see how damaging my relationship with him was to my relationship with God and how much more damaging it could have been to me if I had continued in the relationship and not had good family and Church support to guide me. The girls agreed that although he and many other boys are hot that it is definitely what is inside that counts and they resolved to only be interested in boys that could help them grow as women and in their relationships with God.

I'm pretty sure God was laughing at that entire lunch group, especially at me. Though that boy and I were never physical (didn't even hold hands), emotional damage can run deep and I have sought much healing from my relationship with him over the years and have reached a place of peace (which is good since I'm preparing to marry a man who truly does bring me to Christ in every way and helps to strengthen my relationship with Him). Apparently my journey with my high school relationship is not quite over. Perhaps it will never be. There is something of value in the relationship I had with that boy--I have learned what I was looking for in a man, what I am still looking for in a man, who I am as a daughter of God, as a princess, and that God's mercy runs wide, deep, and long. My fiance and I do not have a perfect relationship and there are some things from his past that we have had to work through, but because God has given me such an amazing opportunity to know Him and His mercy and to receive His mercy, we are able to work through those issues with open hearts and compassion. God's plan is so good and I would have never guessed that a relationship I had in high school would still help to inform my life, relationship, and spirituality years later.  Truly thank God for the Princessology and the lunch group, for my ex-boyfriend, for my fiance, and especially for His mercy. All for the greater glory of God!

My new project

Joy Anderson, a friend of mine and my household sister, studied at Franciscan University of Steubenville with me and was also a Theology and Catechetics/Youth Ministry major wrote a "Princessology" as her senior thesis (please check out her blog).This Princessology has been on my heart and mind for a long time and last year I had her e-mail me what she had (I was a youth minister at the time and thought that perhaps I would be able to implement something for my girls based on it...that didn't happen). About 6 weeks ago I began teaching Religion at a Catholic high school and a few weeks in some girls approached me about started a girls lunch group where we could be women and learn about being women of God together. At the time I had to turn them down as I was overloaded as it was and had no idea what to prepare for them (not to mention planning my wedding...). I was going through some papers several weeks later and found the Princessology and read through it again. It was a Divine incident. I had the perfect material for a girls' lunch group!

The problem. The Princessology currently only covered three princesses. Joy designed the Princessology around Disney princesses because the are the most universally recognized and their stories are well-known, but she only had time to analyze three of them: Aurora (Sleeping Beauty), Belle (Beauty and the Beast), and Ariel (The Little Mermaid). We all know that there are many more Disney princesses! Snow White and Cinderella to name two! Not to mention the "unconventional" princesses like Nala (The Lion King) and exemplary Disney heroines like Wendy (Peter Pan) and Alice (Alice in Wonderland) and several lesser known Disney princesses such as Eilonwy (The Black Cauldron). I knew what I must do. I must put all of my talents (and majors--Theology, Catechetics/Youth Ministry, English Writing) together and expand the Princessology.

This is my project--expand the Princessology in quantity of both princesses and content. I currently have a list of 25 princesses (including Thumbelina and Anastasia--non-Disney princesses) that I am researching and analyzing seeing if they fit as individuals into the Princessology. Also, in Joy's tradition, I am attaching Marian virtues to each princesses and other virtues as they fit. What I will also be doing creating is a "test" to find out which princess you are--containing elements of both your personality as compared to a princess's and also a spiritual dimension to see where or how you wish to grow in the Lord.

This could potentially be a great break-through for women's ministry. I guess we'll see how it goes with the girls' lunch club! I will keep you all updated with the Princessology progress and will share parts of it on here from time to time as well.

Begging for Life like Mary Magdalen: Lenten Post 1

It was Fall 2004 at Franciscan University of Steubenville. Jenn and I were attending a women's seminar on sexuality. A lady began talking about her experience with masturbation and not only did I connect, but I felt like she was reading my soul. I was shocked at her accuracy for things I did not even know how to articulate. That is the plight of 19-- lots of words and feelings but little understanding and articulation. The lady finished and we were given a ten minute break. Jenn and I walked to the restroom, but I waited outside for her. I leaned against the wall trying to take in what I heard and was experiencing. Jenn walked out and looked concerned. I must have been in a daze. She asked if I was alright. I opened my mouth and what came out in a whisper was a roar from deep inside of me, from something that I did not know existed in me: I didn't know I hurt so much. I could not stop repeating it; tears slowly began to roll down my cheeks. Poor Jenn, she did not know what to do, so she fond one of the evening's coordinators, Dr. Storm. Trulie talked about her but this is how Storm and I met. I could not say my name, nothing except that declaration of my being. I new masturbation was wrong, I knew it hindered my relationship with God, I knew that I had struggled with it for all of my life that I could remember, but I did not know the damage it was doing to me, did not know the wound that started or perpetuated it. I began that self-discovery and healing that night, a journey that would culminate a little more than a year later, a journey that still takes places today, little by little, day by day.